Flower Boat More

September 18, 2005 by  
Filed under Die Cutting Machines and Supplies

At Die Cut Machines your source for Die Cutting Machines and Crafting Supplies we hope the Flower Boat More products and information here meets your needs.

User-Agent error.  If you see this error message, please e-mail us!
Poem I wrote for a girl....critique ?

The girl's mother had an accident and was in hospital!

It's hard to see your eye's like this,
Bloodshot and crying for more,
But I guess Ignorance is bliss,
Cause I want to go back to how it was before.

When I grew up you let me grow,
As a flower blossomed so did I,
I wanna tell you what you think you know,
Without you I think I would die.

Your still young and you rule my world,
So please don't let go now.
These a thousand things you should know
Like when I get married to that special man.

I wanna sail all the ocean with you,
On a boat that we made together,
We can sleep under the sky so blue,
You and me, cause I love you forever.

Now It's my turn to take control,
I will sacrifice my self for you,
You see you've been there for me forever,
Now it's my turn to return the favor

It's a nice poem, well done. You put lots of emotions to rhyme (some good rhymes indeed, they did not seemed that forced) but you slipped into irrelevant and cliché phrases in some places. For example, Line 4 of stanza 4 "You and me, cause I love you forever" ruins the beauty and purity of the image you built. Instead try something like this:

"We can sleep under the sky so blue,
And let its kind blow take us forever..."

Also watch your diction. Erase slang words like "wanna" and write 'cause instead of cause. In stanza 3 It's you're not your, the concept is good, but the expression is not deep. Maybe something like "You're still the young queen of my world". See the difference? The line is still in tetrameter (8 syllables) but the "intensity" of it is more. You say more with writing less (A queene refers to a feminine ruler, one so important) this is what poetry is about, to say things in a different and new way using rhetorical techniques.

Overall your poem shows a lot of promise. Just work on it using my advice and then it will be the best gift for your gal 🙂

Good luck,

luxurious canal boat holidays

Luxury canal boat provides you're the perfect delight for your boat holiday at Georgian city of Bath. It is a family run business awarded with 5star Excellence which operated luxury narrow boat offering you the highest standards of service and accommodation. We pride ourselves on our friendly and helpful approach, giving attention to every detail of your narrow boat hire holiday.
Moonraker is committed to provide their customer with great delight providing more space than any other narrow fleet such as Moonbean, Medus, Moon dance which are in traditionally styled and design. Moonraker along with flower, wine and chocolates have special arrangements for the arrival. All our luxury narrow boats are built to the highest possible criteria. The superior workmanship, sumptuous fixtures and furnishings and home from home comforts give them the feel of high standard private boats. The level of care and attention that is lavished on each personally prepared craft ensures that every guest feels special here.
There is so many amazing stuffs available on a canal holiday, which pushes the entire excitement level further and explore more. Whether you're an experienced boater or a complete beginner, we will ensure you receive exact boating experience and knowledge for the same. All our narrow boats are based on a soundly constructed steel hull with over 20 years experience in being a narrow boat builder. Strengthening in the hull and cabin is extensive and provides a very strong and straight boat with pleasing and traditional lines.
Their boat hire provides great stay along with every possible amenity with the best comfort level. We take special care of luxury and comfort at the same time. Hence, they gain the first preference among all other existing contenders in the market. With our luxury narrow boat hire, which includes everything from DVDs to towels at the price of your <a href="http://www.moonboats.co.uk/">canal holidays</a>, what else can one ask for?  
Moonraker canal boats provides luxury canal holidays run all year round, with the prices of our canal boat hire changing according to the time of year. With numerous level luxury narrow boat hire, there are no extra charges, all fuel is included, and we allow 10% off second and subsequent weeks' luxury canal boat hire. So to have the great experience of delightful holiday come to luxury canal holidays and we're sure you won't disappointed here which guarantees to the people who are looking for memorable canal holidays. So, for any sort of requirement in this relevant field, feel free to contact Moon Boats.

About the Author

For more insights and further information about luxury canal boat hire visit our site http://www.moonboats.co.uk/


Comments are closed.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!